Responding to Student Writing:  The Right to Pray

Donna: Congratulations on taking on the controversial issue of prayer in the public schools!

You begin your essay by setting the stage for your audience. As a reader, I enjoyed the descriptive detail in your first paragraph. I could almost hear the chairs scraping across the floor as students stood for a moment of silence. You make some good vocabulary choices when you use strong action verbs (e.g., rings, blares, shift, salute, raises, shouts) that help draw your reader in.

It is clear you are very passionate about the issue of prayer in the schools. However, as a first-year college writer, you are now being asked to do quite a bit more to support your points than you were required to do in high school. Readers who do not already agree with your stance on school prayer are the ones you will need to convince. With this in mind, let’s look at some of the points you raise in your paper—to help you come up with possible assertions that can be substantiated.

In the final sentence of your first paragraph, you state, “prayer should be present, but optional, in schools.” A reader who may not have thought much about this issue before might ask, isn’t prayer already optional? Can’t anyone who wants to pray do so? What would stop someone from making a silent prayer?

Is the crux of the problem for you that you want prayer to be public? If so, why? Is it about creating group unity for believers in God? Is it about making a political statement about one’s right to pray publicly? Or is there another reason why praying in a public forum is important to you? Whatever the reason, you will need to support it.

Your third paragraph describes prayer as invoking God’s “protection” against “drugs, fights, and murders.” This is a bold statement. Can you provide some evidence that God protects those who pray publicly? If you are able to substantiate this, you might win some converts. Otherwise, you may need to look for an assertion that is more supportable.

In your fourth paragraph, you say, “The prayer does not have to be long and extensive. It can be a short simple prayer. . . .” Again, an unsympathetic reader might ask you, the author, who is stopping students from praying silently on their own? If they wish to make a short, simple prayer, can’t they do it anywhere at anytime, including at school?

The fifth paragraph seems like a strong attack against atheists, members of your reading audience you may wish to convince to meet you half way. Can you think of a way to involve them? Is there a compromise position you can offer to gain their support?

Paragraph six contains a rather extreme statement concerning those who wish to pray in school: “They can not practice their religious beliefs and therefore they have no religious freedom.” Even for someone who agrees with your position on school prayer, this may seem over the top. Remember that you are trying to convince people to your point of view.

Ranting about something we believe about strongly is human nature, and it is our right to do so. However, when we try to gain the favor of readers who may disagree with us about an issue, or are on the fence, we may need to modify our stance—especially with hot-button issues like the one you’ve chosen. Ask yourself what you reasonably expect to accomplish with your essay. Defining what you mean by “prayer in school” may be a first step in helping you develop a workable compromise position. For example, it might be easier to convince those who do not share your position to agree to a moment of silence—instead of a public prayer. There are other middle-ground positions. Give it some thought. I look forward to reading what you have to say in your next draft. And, as always, I would enjoy meeting with you to discuss your work.